


A Trip Upstairs

by phinnia



Series: All God's Children [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-20 21:31:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21288488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phinnia/pseuds/phinnia
Summary: The All-New Upstairs has a newly organized cafeteria and dogs and cats and tropical fish and missing Elder Gods.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: All God's Children [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1533431
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	A Trip Upstairs

"So when do you want to go?" Aziraphale asks in the middle of a particularly lazy naked Saturday afternoon. 

"Go where?" Crowley replies, feeling particularly blissful. (The fact that Aziraphale was gently grooming his wings had everything to do with this. Aziraphale, being a bit of a bastard and having known this particular demon for over six thousand years by now, (and also Biblically, as frequently as possible) had an excellent sense of timing.) 

"Upstairs. You know, to see your Mum."

Crowley felt very cold. He was a serpent and always a bit cold, but he felt very, very cold just then. 

"Well, She did invite us." Azriaphale says, trying to ground his argument in the foundations of logic and reason. 

"Mmmm." Crowley says doubtfully.

"And I do want to see some of the new changes for myself. And try the crepe bar. Plus those scrummy profiteroles!"

He did adore watching his Angel eat things.

"Plus don't you want to see Gabriel sorting through Her file cabinet? And Michael cleaning windows?" Azriaphale wheedles. "I'm sure She'll meet us at the bottom of the escalator if you send Her one of those text message thingys."

Crowley gets up on his elbows. "All right! We'll go now. You're almost as much of a tempter as I used to be, you know."

"I know." Azriaphale beams. "It's rubbed off on me."

Mum did meet them at the bottom of the escalators. She still had the rainbow hair, but she'd done it in a large braid. She was wearing a short dress covered in all different colors of cats, had several piercings in her ears and nose, and was chewing bubble gum. She was kicking Her stompy boots against the bench She was sitting on.

"I love this stuff!" She says, blowing a massive pink bubble. "Humans, so fantastic! Not too happy about xylitol, though, have to change it back to sugar. What do you think of My new look?"

"Very nice." Crowley admits. "Love the boots. Very stompy."

"They can all hear Me coming now." God grins as she hugs them both. "That's why the boots. I can make them _echo._"

"You are very dastardly." Aziraphale chuckles. 

"I know." She smiles. "You'll get used to it, if you haven't already. Come on!"

Crowley took a deep breath and got on the escalator Upstairs, clinging to Aziraphale's hand tightly. 

He was halfway expecting in the very back of his brain to be immediately struck down, or discorporated, or burnt by Heavenly fire, or drenched with Holy water, or whatever else. 

None of that happened.

He just rode to the top of the escalator and stepped off, after his Mum and Aziraphale. He looked around.

A very large dog bounded up to them. It was a golden retriever. The dog immediately greeted them by sticking its nose directly in their bollocks.

"Down." Mum said sternly. "Sorry. Gabriel always does this. I said _down!_"

Gabriel whimpered and went away with his tail between his legs.

Crowley started laughing. "The dog's name is _Gabriel_?"

"Well, he doesn't listen to anything you teach him, sniffs peoples' bollocks by way of greeting and doesn't listen when you talk, so I thought it was a good name." She says calmly. 

"Is he house-trained?" Aziraphale asks. The angel's eyes are dancing.

"Not at all. But he does look quite impressive. Shall we go on?" 

The walls had all come down. Instead of pods of desks, there were actual offices. And sofas that actually looked comfortable. Aziraphale tried sitting on one. It really was comfortable. 

The cafeteria was amazing. It smelled fabulous. All different stations. An omelette bar, a creperie, pizza, French food, Greek, Turkish ... it was truly astonishing.

"It changes every other day." God says, coming up beside him with a smile. "Do you like it? Crowley says you're the foodie. I do like that word, _foodie._ So many fantastic new words the humans have made up."

"I ... I don't know what to try first." he says. "This is incredible. It is truly remarkable. It's like a world market."

"I was thinking about sushi. Haven't tried that yet. D'you like sushi?"

"I _adore_ sushi." Azriaphale beams. "IF you like, I shall introduce you to sushi."

"Oh!" She claps her hands. "What a brilliant idea!"

Crowley was trailing behind them a little. He had seen something he thought was familiar out of the corner of his eye. 

It was a large bay window, overlooking a deep section of space. 

It was covered in tiny stars. 

They were all labelled in Her handwriting. There was no real order to them. Sandalphon, Gabriel, Raphael, Michael, Uriel. Hundreds of others, millions.

It took him a moment, but he found his own. 

Samshiel. And right next to it was Aziraphale.

He smiled and reached out to touch each star with a fingertip. They burned with a cold fire, but they were already spinning in binary orbit.

His star spins around Aziraphale's star, and Aziraphale's star spins around his.

He found his mother and Aziraphale eating sushi, which was not at all surprising.

"Darling!" Aziraphale gave him a hug. "She's never tried sushi before."

"He offered to introduce me to it. This is wonderful stuff." Mum says, raving, with her mouth full. "Love this caterpillar roll, and the spicy tuna! And I'm telling him embarrassing stories about you. Like the time you asked Michael what those two koalas were doing and she said they were waiting for the stork to bring babies and you told her the stork didn't bring babies, she was a liar."

"That's not an embarrasing story about me, it's an embarrassing story about _Michael._" Crowley laughs.

"He always did have a wonderful grasp of biology." Aziraphale says with a chuckle. "Still does."

Crowley smirks. 

"No, you weren't the one that turned the ant farm into a pillar of holy fire. That was Sandalphon. He was always a bit enthusiastic. I wish he'd tone it down a bit." She drains her glass of rice wine. "This is why Mum day drinks, actually."

Crowley chokes on his own glass.

They spot Michael irritably scrubbing the windows with a rag.

"That's not how you do windows, you know." Crowley says.

"What would _you_ know about it?" Michael asks testily.

"I know windows, because I know plants. I have to know how to clean windows because I like to have a good indoor garden. And trust me, you are doing it _all wrong_." He looks at the windows critically. "What you want is vinegar - just plain white vinegar - and some old newspapers. Set you right up, won't leave a single spot on the windows."

"I didn't know you did windows, dear boy." Azriaphale says. 

"Sweetheart, I will _always_ do your windows." Crowley waggled his eyebrows at his husband. 

"In a maid's uniform?"

"Oooh, like that idea. I was thinking naked, but I could deal with the maid's uniform. Little skirt, little hat. Maybe some fishnet stockings. _Yeah_."

"Mother! Did you see that?" Michael huffs.

"Yes, I did, and if you didn't look and more importantly _act_ like a harridan, you might actually get some, Michael." Mum says, and continues on. "I think My secretary might like you, or they would if they weren't _terrified_ of you because you're always shouting or sulking. You boys want to see My office? Got some great tropical fish." 

Mum's secretary had blue hair that faded into green and back into blue and was 'enby'. This, She explained with glee, was one of the new genders She'd recently discovered. "Humans came up with it! They do such fabulous things! So they decided they'd wanted to be enby. This is Pravuli, my scribe/secretary/chief cook and bottle washer, all that. Pravuli, this is my son, Crowley - if you find anything for Shamsiel, that used to be his name - and this is his husband, Aziraphale."

"Pleased to meet you." Aziraphale shook their hand. 

"Your hair is fantastic." Crowley says, with a rare smile in front of people.

"Oh! Thank you." Pravuli blushed. "Oh, here are your files, ma'am, and there's the new figures you wanted on the stock plan."

"Excellent! Well done." She shows the two of them into Her office. It was large, with plush carpeting. There was a kitten sitting on Her desk batting at the computer mouse, a long-haired furry white one. Another kitten - this one was short-haired, with a grey streak across its head = was attacking and fighting with a Birkenstock sandal She'd discarded casually beside the door. There was a large tank of saltwater tropical fish along one wall. 

"Do the cats have names?" Aziraphale asks politely, sitting in a comfortable blue chair.

"That's Pippin with the shoe. He always wants to kill my shoes. And Frodo is over here on the desk. Crowley, can you take a look at these?" She hands him the top couple of sheets. "I thought about doing a stock incentive plan. You know. Good for morale. There's only so much even I can do with air hockey tables. Gabriel thinks it's complete tosh, of course, but I don't listen to him."

"Help! Help!" Speaking of Gabriel, they could hear a wet sort of shouting from the next room. "Mum! Something in one of your file cabinet drawers just pulled me in!"

"Oh, _buggeration_." She said, running out. "I forgot, that's where I put Cthulu."

"That was, dare I say it even using a four-letter-word, a _nice_ visit with Mum." Crowley says later, when they are back in the bookshop.__

_ _"It was." Aziraphale murmurs, combing his fingers through his husband's hair. "And those profiteroles were scrumptious."_ _

_ _"The best part was seeing Gabriel-the-dog shit all over the floor." Crowley chuckles. "And then Gabriel-the-arse stepped in it and slipped."_ _

_ _Aziraphale laughs. "He nearly discorporated from embarrassment. I mean, he was already wet and salty and covered in seaweed. He's trying to impress Pravuli."_ _

_ _Crowley leans up and kisses him on the lips. "I really doubt that's going to work. They seem to be eyeing Michael, even if they are terrified of her. Why is this so much easier now? It's just _weird_."_ _

_ _"Oh, other people's messes, so much easier than your own." Aziraphale muses, waving his hand dismissively. "Always much easier to clear up other peoples' messes."_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I got a Tumblr. [Hi.](https://phinniastuff.tumblr.com) I am Mostly Harmless, I promise.


End file.
